yowza... what to talk about now?

Man. It's been a pretty fuckin' eventful year - I'm talkin' about the past twelve months and not the past few days, by the way - and I'm glad it's finally drawing to an end.

Thank GOD!

Instead of looking at the past (which I enjoy poking fun at, time and time again) and borderline cringing as I try to laugh it off, I've decided to go ahead and look towards the future and laugh at what's to come...

...but I still like using the past as material. Is that bad?

I'm looking forward to being able to spend a bit more time with my kids, for one... hell, what mom doesn't? I'm anticipating the day when the judge says, "Divorce is approved" - god, I can't wait. I'm anxious about the future, but I'm also - is this possible? - nostalgic FOR it. For once in my life, I'm not hiding from something in my past, and I'm happily open about everything to come my way. Though I missed my daughter's first date, I'm looking forward to (hopefully) a graduation. This year will also bring The Boy's first day of school... and I'm sad. With my oldest and my youngest back in my life on a fulltime basis, life's much, much better now... and it'll be complete once again when Ninja Joe's back fulltime as well.

The past year's taught me a lot about myself, and it's sad that it took one lousy year to teach me something that I should've learned about 10 years ago - it's up to me for things to happen, and it's up to me to act (or learn) upon (from) those opportunities. I don't need anyone in my life to complete me, because I was "me" before so-and-so was in my life... and no, Dr. Phil has not entered my library shelves.

Has this ruled out romance for myself? No, quite the contrary - I just had to learn that loving and respecting myself was a necessary factor in order to be loved and respected by others (and that includes parenthood, too)... you teach your kids this, so why not practice it yourself? I don't need a man (or, if this were college and I was in that phase) or woman to fulfill me... but it's nice to have a complimentary partner in my life. One who doesn't confuse relationship with ownership, or love with codependence; god, to actually not be expected to change everything about myself is sadly a new experience for me.

I'll end this with a bang.

I'm absolutely, positively, extremely happy... well adjusted, I'm far from it. But I'm fuckin' giddy about the coming year, and I just realized I broke one of my fuckin' resolutions.

Fuck.

There's always next year (for the resolution, that is).